Paul Konrardy:
[0:16] Welcome to Monsters of Curiosity. I'm Paul Conrardi, and with me today are Jenny Evans and Susan Evans.
Paul Konrardy:
[0:24] And our topic today is something that kind of came up for me recently. But the topic is, the person that you've known longest is the person you know least. And the context in which that came up was a memorial service I attended a couple weeks ago. And the brother of the person being memorialized got up and talked about how they didn't know their sibling. They, you know, they'd lived their entire life together or knew of each other. You know, they were, I think, four years apart. And so we're talking decades and decades and decades. And it wasn't until the last few weeks of the person who passed life that the older sibling knew
Paul Konrardy:
[1:06] Of the things that were happening in that person's life, just because their friends were around them telling these great stories about how magnificent the person was. And it really struck me that here's somebody who literally was 70 years, I'm not sure the exact number of years, but, you know, it could have been like 70 years. They were in each other's lives, and yet they didn't know each other. And that, to me, struck me. I mean, I think for myself, it was sort of a reminder to reach out to my own siblings. We've sort of parted ways in the latest few years. But it also was like how does that translate into other relationships they may not be siblings they may be a school friend that you have had forever or maybe a cousin or even a work situation where you've worked with somebody or had had a business relationship with it for a long long time so just thought that would be an interesting topic for us so what do you guys think
Jenny Evans:
[2:09] When I saw your suggestion, it kicked me right in the gut. I had never thought about it that way. But for me, personally, it really kind of rings true. So I have a brother that is two and a half years older. And then I have a brother who's nine years younger. And I don't know, like the three of us, were never super close when we were kids. And we kind of just sort of continued to not be very close throughout adulthood. I love them both very much. And I know the three of us would definitely like be there for each other. If anybody needed anything, we would drop it in an instant but we're definitely not the kind that like you know we talk every week um kind of a thing and i don't know for no reason i don't it just yeah i think that kick in the gut was also like a sense of guilt of like
Paul Konrardy:
[3:21] Oh that's a motivator
Jenny Evans:
[3:24] Yeah i should probably reach out
Susan Evans:
[3:30] I think it's interesting because the way it was phrased is one of those sentences where you go, that's beautifully phrased. And I never would have gotten to that phrase without hours of thinking about it, you know, because it's so succinct and precise. They're the same words, by the way, that, it did make me think. Like, it's like, oh, the people I've, who I've been with, time-wise, are they the ones that know me the best? And so it's like, and it was with my siblings, yes, we're freakishly close. I mean, freakishly close. It's a stop, drop. We have codes. If it's a 911, you have to drop what we do. If you have this, if it's that. I mean, so it's like we have this whole system, thing set up for ourselves, for family and all sorts of stuff. So we've, mostly for my parents, actually all for my parents, but we talk all the time, we text all the time, we send pictures all the time, get updates all the time. But it started me thinking that there are people in my life that I've known for a long, long time when you go back to school and work and things. And it's like in a work situation.
Susan Evans:
[4:48] Right out of college, there's one woman who I'm still friends with out of the hundreds of people that I worked with. So I thought, oh, this is really interesting. If you go back and just chronologically all the people you know, who can you pick out and go, I still can talk to this one. Because to your point, Jen, I've got a couple of friends from where I grew up. And I mean a couple. There are only two of them, I think, that I still talk to that go back to about seventh grade. And that's it and out of all the people i went to school with there it's like it's really interesting the ones that kind of stick with you and i would stop drop and roll for them i don't have to talk to them every day, it's just that they call and said i'm in trouble and i need you down it's like great i'm on the next plane don't worry about it you know or great let's talk now or great you know it's like and they're not that many people that you go that you know and i don't think you can have more than 10 15 people like that because you wouldn't i mean i'm sure people do i well.
Paul Konrardy:
[5:48] For myself you're right there's a capacity issue there um
Susan Evans:
[5:52] But i can't take more than about six.
Paul Konrardy:
[5:54] Yeah i think in our lifetime we run into people who we just feel like we've known forever and those you know sometimes you do have that you could call it a soul match and you're just friends forever and when you don't speak with them for a while you just pick up right where you off, whether that's a week or a year or even sometimes 10 years with Sunfoots. But this one in particular was like, I'm from a family of four of us, and I'm the youngest, and there's a big age difference between the eldest and me. And I was thinking about that situation comparing to the memorialized person going, yeah, I think there's like four or five years between them. And I just think that our paths in life with our siblings
Paul Konrardy:
[6:45] We do have a bond, and like you said, Jen, I love them dearly, but we are very different people, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. They've got a completely different life than I did, and in the case of my family, the two oldest are kind of like almost from a second family. We had the same parents, but by the time I came around and my next brother came along, there was like two different families, so we didn't even have the same parents.
Paul Konrardy:
[7:12] What I find fascinating when I think through it, though, is where we got the tightest as adults was during the passing of our parents. And it's almost like it's like another world that you enter when it's the end of your parents' life. And I want to get into all the grief-induced stuff. But it is a bonding experience that was fascinating for me. There was a period of a few weeks, maybe a couple months, where it was, wow, we were getting along better than we'd ever gotten along in our entire life. We had a singular focus, and it was wonderful. And as the years have gone on, we've lived different places and got on with our lives, and it's just not the same. And uh so how but it i do know these these guys they're all brothers of mine and i do know them pretty well and we've we've we've attempted to stay in touch but it's it's funny to think about how there's so many things they don't know about me and
Paul Konrardy:
[8:13] Uh case in point and ironically the day after this memorial service my oldest brother asked me if i went to a certain elementary school that was in a town that I didn't even move to until I was a sophomore in high school. It's like, boy, the timeline just wasn't there for you, was it? But Really, why should he know that? Those kinds of details, I guess. But it's just really interesting to me that they don't know the kinds of details that I retain about them, but they don't necessarily for me. So I don't know. It's an interesting thought process of, like you said, there's some guilt involved with it. There's a little bit of, particularly with siblings, with family, there's a little bit of that emotional. Bonding that sort of has a different flavor to it. But I do think, like you said, Susan, there's some other relationships that you can have for a very, very long time. And at times they know everything about you, but now they really don't. And if you maintain the relationship, how much do you really need to share?
Paul Konrardy:
[9:20] I don't know. I don't know that.
Jenny Evans:
[9:23] Well, this is even making me think there's a difference between people that you know and know you, but to be known you know of like you can know the surface level things about somebody but i'm you know this made me think of like but do they really know the current me of course they know the past me but that was 20 30 40 years ago in in some ways i am the same person but in a lot of ways i am not the same person you know knowing somebody's thoughts knowing somebody's opinions um I don't know. I think, to me—and I think you've both alluded to this—for some people, it is very easy to just feel like, oh my gosh, I just feel like I know you so well, or you have that history where you've always shared. But I don't know, to be known, that is different to me than to just know somebody or somebody knows me.
Susan Evans:
[10:33] Yeah.
Susan Evans:
[10:37] That's interesting
Paul Konrardy:
[10:39] And well i also think in terms of what are those publicly available data points you know i mean i always go back to data and technology and that kind of stuff but you know we're often defined by what we do and often as we go through our career we change that and yet people don't always keep up with you so when you're when you're meeting with somebody you've known for a very long time they may still thinking of you that did this other thing that had a completely different goal in mind than where you're at now. And I think we go through these different milestones in our life that they change a person. Let's face it, you're not the same person
Paul Konrardy:
[11:21] In every decade. I mean, you are, but what's that? Your cell turnover is so that you really do have a completely new body every way. But I think the same thing goes with your... Your view on the world, your view on yourself, your view on, um, you just, you mature, if that's the term, but some people do that way. Some people do, but then you go, okay, do you really know me? Do you really want to know? And that's the question is like, do you really want to know? Is there, is there room in your world for expanding what you know about me to be who I am? To be known, like you said, Jen. It may not be. It may just have to be, you know, like the relatives you see every family reunion, whenever those are, and you go, okay, well,
Paul Konrardy:
[12:18] that's nice. And then you're just going back to your day-to-day.
Susan Evans:
[12:20] Mm-hmm. It's interesting because I watched Seinfeld over and over and over again to go to sleep. There's one of the episodes where he says you get to a point in your 30s where you're just not open to friends. You've got your crew. They know where to eat. They know the rules, and they know exactly how to behave within the friendship circle. You may meet somebody at the gym and you say, look, you're nice. We're just not looking for new people right now. I'm not interested in your CV. No, I'm really not. We're happy where we are. Sounded exactly like, no, we're not hiring right now, which is pretty much what it was. But I thought, I remember watching it when I was in my 30s thinking, oh, that's really interesting because does that mean you can't make friends at 40 and it will only be my family after that if I lose the five I have trailing with me right now? You know it's like does it shrink when you get older because you may the people you've known the longest are gonna you know may or may not be there with you but they're the ones who know of you the longest which is, and i think it's like it goes back to paul something you said earlier it's like well you know it's, you can choose your friends which can become your family you know in in in a way and and i think a lot of people do that but.
Susan Evans:
[13:39] I also think as we go forward, I think as you get older, I remember when I was younger, like, I do this, I live here, I do that. Here's my shoe size. It's like, I would tell anybody anything. Yeah, it's like, but the older I get, it's like, I am much more.
Susan Evans:
[13:59] I will share experiences and things that we do, but nothing personal about myself. Because I don't want that. It's just, that's me. And it's like, it's kind of exhausting to talk about me a lot. I just, because I would rather talk about business than anything else. So talking about, it's just like, I don't care. Yeah. It's like, so I don't know if anybody would know me. It would take an extraordinary amount of patience at this point in somebody's life to try and get to know me because I will tell you stories about things I did 10 years ago that are admittedly quite humorous. However aren't really anything about me right now so i think there's this you know.
Susan Evans:
[14:39] I don't know i mean the people that know me the longest have i mean my brother and sister, i know as i start talking to them i'm like okay here's what she's like blah blah blah we gotta wait for this okay here comes the point you know it's like can they know that i don't know if a new person would be willing to put up with, that because judgment now is jesus christ what the hell's going on that woman, you know, instead of I'm going to get to know you. It is more, I think, and I don't know if this is true. I haven't experienced it because I haven't really put myself out there, obviously, but it's more judging a book by its cover than reading the book now. And so the reliance on the people who know you the longest may shift, but I, the new, I don't, all the people who are close to me now, I have known for years and years and years and years.
Paul Konrardy:
[15:30] I can see what you're talking about. And I think there are some regional things that happen with that, or circumstance things that happen with that. And I know when I've had people, when I was living in the Twin Cities, I noticed when people would come into my life, a lot of them commented how difficult it was to get to know people in Minnesota in particular. Because there was always this thing going, you know? The Minnesota nice of I'm going to be nice to you and come close but stay this far away. And it seemed like a regional thing, but I don't know about that. I think it has a lot to do with how people organize their life and they do that Seinfeld thing of they've got their posse or they've got their crew and they don't really have a need to expand it. And maybe that's just the personality of, you know, how many people do you want to have or have that intense of a relationship with?
Susan Evans:
[16:27] It's exhaustion.
Paul Konrardy:
[16:28] Yeah. It can be. It can be. But I think there's a personality thing there, too.
Paul Konrardy:
[16:33] But I noticed, because I recently moved, and the community we moved into, I have never experienced this much. Warmth outreach willing to help wanting to get to know you kind of thing ever in my life i mean within the first two weeks of being here i must have met eight neighbors and i'm kind of blown away by it and yeah it's pretty close quarters but at the same time it's like uh it has a different genuine i'm i'm sure i'm in honeymoon phase right now but it does feel very genuine in a way of okay hey, we're going to cohabitate to a certain extent. I mean, not obviously in the same house, but you're very close-knit when you could be very close-knit when you're right next to one. And that's what I'm experiencing right now. I've never seen it before. And I grew up in these little tiny towns where everybody knew everybody else's business, and so therefore you had to rely on each other for certain things because it's a small town, but you also had this, I don't want them to know all this stuff, and I hated that part of it. I just hated that part of it. Let me do a small town. But here, this feels like a small town, but all the good attributes to it. Maybe it's maybe RFD or something. I have no idea. But nobody's playing a banjo or any or deliverance music playing.
Susan Evans:
[17:50] That was a leap.
Paul Konrardy:
[17:52] Yeah, I know. I know. I know, Susan. Thanks for doing that with me.
Jenny Evans:
[17:57] Go ahead. What's making me wonder is I wonder if there is a correlation or relationship between extroverts and introverts. And the relationship with siblings. Because Susan, what you were making me think of where you're like, And I'm not really going to put myself out there to like gather up a bunch of new friends of like, I'm good with what I got. I'm good with what I came with, i.e., you know, siblings. I am such an extrovert and I love to meet people. And I'm so curious. Like, I love almost like that honeymoon phase where like you just like you getting to know so much about another person. I love asking tons of questions.
Jenny Evans:
[18:49] And that is also making me think, like, these assumptions about my brothers were like, well, I know you, so I, like, what questions would I even ask you? Of, like, sometimes there's that lack of curiosity because you're like, oh, yeah, I know you. Um but we also i think make assumptions about whether we really know our siblings or like social media makes it easy for us to assume like oh i know everything that's going on in your life but no you only know what somebody is willing to share but back to the extrovert introvert thing i wonder if there's a relationship there
Paul Konrardy:
[19:29] Oh i can't see how there isn't
Susan Evans:
[19:32] Yeah yeah i was in And I wonder if you're neurodivergent or neurotypical, how that plays in if you know i i think it's like because for me social interaction is, it is hard work it is really hard work and people i have people say oh but you're so fun to be with i'm like, that's because i know how to do this not because it comes naturally and so it's so it's not that i don't want to get to know people i mean i love people it's the social the the battery, goes down faster than I think if you're extroverted because that's how you get energy, and so I think you're right it's like introvert extrovert what's because I always think you know brains are like thumbprints they're all different you know and it's like so nobody knows, what what's going to happen um and I always think I learn something more about my brain every day. Sometimes I'm very disappointed. Sometimes I'm like, well, good for you brain, good for you. But I think that introvert, extrovert.
Susan Evans:
[20:42] My siblings know I'm an introvert. And when we're all together, they will fill the gap for me. And my husband does the same thing. He's like, I can tell when you are just going down. So he will fill the gap for me if we're out in public and then i let me chime back you know okay so it's but it doesn't mean we just met a couple, um about two weeks ago who were so effing phenomenal that i'm so excited to get to know them more, that i was like oh these people are great holy i mean it was just like this whole new revelation and so i have to reach out to them but it's like okay now i gotta psych myself up to reach talk to them to do that. I'm excited about it, but the process to get there is really hard. If I had a personal assistant, step forward, please, because that would make it so much easier. This has happened for you. Thank you.
Paul Konrardy:
[21:43] I i think you're on to the introvert extrovert thing and i think there's also how much as we get older are we willing to expose i think you alluded to that susan it's like as you're getting older you're thinking i don't want it i don't want to have to share all of that and i i think about now you know where i'm at my life every time i meet a new person it's like a new coming out i have to come out every damn time you talk to them that gets exhausting and frankly in this polarized world you just never know what you're going to get back um but at the same time it's really important to be who i am so it is uh okay so like me or lump me i don't care i'm just who i am i mean i shouldn't say i don't care of course everybody cares they want most people do want to be liked but in most cases it's like a um okay how long have you known me do i have to go through all of this before i i think of the the what the premise of this is all about is the people who've known you the longest or those that you know least is you know maybe there's some things there that they just haven't really accepted maybe you know whether that's your your um
Paul Konrardy:
[23:01] How you think or maybe your political leanings have changed or your religious beliefs have changed or yeah i think there's some things that as as we go through life there are things about us that are that rise to the top of what's important and what's important at that time in your life can change and so that there's a lot of opportunity for you to not catch up on those cues if you don't spend a lot of time with somebody or if they're not wanting to divulge. So there's, you know, there's always something new to learn, just like you said about your brain, Susan. I think it's everybody's brain. I think it's everybody's thought patterns. I think it's everybody's general feeling how they exist in this world that can't always feel safe. And so I think that is one of the reasons why those systems of friendships kind of shrink and people come in and out of your life at different times but Jen you're the extrovert you you love that does it do you find that yeah thanks Cher I am just the
Jenny Evans:
[24:07] Expert on what everything
Paul Konrardy:
[24:10] Well no I'm just talking about like what you said about being an extrovert, um, if it came out expert, I'm sorry, flip my words. Um, as an extrovert, do you find it, um, Do you find that it's easier or more difficult to have those meaningful connections as, you know, I think you just mentioned about your brothers. It's like a, it's like a, yeah, maybe I should reach out more. But, you know, at some point, there's something that connects you anyway. So is that necessary? I don't know. I don't know the answer to that question.
Jenny Evans:
[24:52] I mean, just me personally, I don't really have a filter. And there's not really like a, that's not true anymore. I was going to say there's not like the professional Jenny and then the regular Jenny. Like, if I'm putting something out on social media that is professionally related, I am going to be more of a professional version of myself. Whereas, like, if I wasn't professionally on social media, like, my stream would be fart jokes and, you know, just me swearing a lot. But I don't know I am also very much an open book I wear my heart on my sleeve I say what I mean And I mean what I say And I am I think it is just like that genuine curiosity And I think That's also one of the things that makes me a really great Executive coach I love to ask questions I love to understand I want to know more. Tell me more about that. I find that so fascinating.
Jenny Evans:
[26:03] But I also, like, I, okay, full disclosure, I did call my older brother, and I told him, like, this is going to be the topic, and, because we've talked about how we are not close. None of us have ever been close, it's just kind of the way it is, but one thing that I realized while we were talking is that, I think, like, even if you say, like, oh I know my sibling very well like we grew up together we had the same experiences you didn't have the same experiences of like the same events occurred yes but how you interpreted that and what that meant to you or maybe the the conversation that was had with your mother that she had with you about this thing was a very different conversation than you know so I think sometimes it's easy to assume that we know our siblings a lot because we because there are the shared experiences but that allows us to make a lot of assumptions that may or may not be true and it blunts our curiosity.
Susan Evans:
[27:21] That's really interesting because what you just said is a great part of what parents say. Because my parents will say, well, we remember this moment because it was so important. All me and my siblings are like, what the hell are you talking about? Because with so many of it, even though we had that same experience, it did not register the same way it did for my mom and dad. And I think that's a really good point is that the lens, your lens on that experience may, just because I remember it doesn't mean anybody else in the free world would ever remember it because it hit me differently than it did anybody else. And so that's, that is so true because I, all the time, what, what we remember growing up as siblings, my parents are like, were you in our house ever? You know, it's like...
Paul Konrardy:
[28:18] It is alarming, isn't it? It's alarming sometimes to go, all I remember is we went to Dairy Queen after, you know, that kind of thing. It's like, I don't, I don't remember that so-and-so had a heart attack. I mean i just been making that up but it's like uh it's like a whole thing of memory and of what absorbed and where you were as an age and that kind of thing i mean it's like uh
Paul Konrardy:
[28:47] What i find fascinating is for a while there my brothers and i would get together monthly and have a you know, since pandemic and moving and everything, we were doing it on Zoom. And it would invariably go from talking about health issues because everybody's at that age, to do you remember blank, blank, blank. And there is not a lot of what's going on now with these individuals, other than talking about grandchildren or whatever, which it's not, I mean, I don't have kids, so thanks. Interesting. I mean, I'm always interested in that stuff. but at the same time it's like this you really we're not having much substantive conversation and then every now and then when one would bring up a substantive conversation it was usually processing of some sort yeah and that was like okay that gets a little awkward and then it's a you know this is how i remembered it versus how you're saying you remembered it and you know then it can lead to conflict but i think you're right about that um we've had a similar experience we're at the same place in the same time but that does not mean that we are the same people and how we reacted to it yeah or how we remember it or what it did for the rest of our life.
Susan Evans:
[30:03] Or the emotional meaning yeah it's like what
Paul Konrardy:
[30:05] Precisely, precisely.
Susan Evans:
[30:06] Yeah that we attach to it i wouldn't expect it to be the same because no matter how close you are you come at it your brain is different you're gonna tweak it.
Paul Konrardy:
[30:16] Even if we were twins i'm sure we'd have some differences there so um i think that's yeah i We hope so. Otherwise, we're one mind, and one mind is scary. It's scary. That's cultish.
Susan Evans:
[30:26] Now we're into scientific studies that I would find out.
Paul Konrardy:
[30:29] Oh, okay. Sorry.
Susan Evans:
[30:31] It's like, they do have one brain.
Paul Konrardy:
[30:33] Yeah, sorry. Sorry, sorry. This is a fascinating topic, because I think you can extrapolate a lot of things on your own experience, but also from these long-term relationships you have
Paul Konrardy:
[30:46] with people that may or may not have been maintained.
Susan Evans:
[30:49] Mm-hmm.
Paul Konrardy:
[30:50] And for what purpose?
Susan Evans:
[30:51] I think it's interesting what you said, Jen, though. You bring yourself and your curiosity to the job, and that's what makes you good at what you do. And I think that's, in a work situation, what I think is interesting about working with people, because you see that, you see it. and then the royal you, is that a thing?
Susan Evans:
[31:15] That when you go into a situation, a lot of people don't remember that there's a different lens, that there's a different way that other people are coming to it. And you ask the questions, it's like, okay, I'm curious, walk me through this. So you get the lens from all sides, as many as you can, at least, versus I'm walking in, I see it, here's what we're going to do. Because you're ignoring all these other points of view that culminate into this one point. It's like, I have an issue. I want you to speak. I want you to do something. I need coaching. And you're asking questions so you can get as much 360 degrees around it as possible, which is why you're good at what you do because a lot of people don't do that. And they'll come in like a horse with blinders on going, here's the path in front of me. No curiosity, no wondering what caused this, what were the triggers that brought this in. There are so many things that come into situations like that, that if you are not curious and not asking the questions, not only can you miss it professionally, but even with siblings and friends, you can miss it personally if you're not really, open to how the hell to get here. Just like Ted Lasso, expound.
Susan Evans:
[32:33] Please help me.
Paul Konrardy:
[32:34] Well, I love the fact that you brought curiosity into this because that is absolutely why we're even doing this. So, excellent, excellent segue. Good topic.
Susan Evans:
[32:45] Yeah.
Jenny Evans:
[32:46] All right. Like, okay, just let me expose and confess all of like my personal issues.
Paul Konrardy:
[32:53] Bring it on. I'm going to be on the couch over here.
Susan Evans:
[32:55] We did that to me a couple of weeks ago. A couple of weeks ago, it was me. So now it's you. So this is good.
Jenny Evans:
[33:02] Okay. Because again, like I've been thinking, why am I not close with my siblings? Because there's no reason why we shouldn't.
Susan Evans:
[33:14] There's no reason why you should either, though. You're two sides to this.
Jenny Evans:
[33:17] But I think when I think about like, I love to ask people questions. If I'm expressing curiosity about you, it's not that I'm nosy. I just, I am curious to know you. Like, what is going on in your life? What do you think? What do you feel? What experiences have you had? Like, how cool is that? You know, like, wow, that's so different from what I know. Or, wow, we have that same thing in common.
Jenny Evans:
[33:48] When I go home to see my family or talk to my siblings, They just don't ask me questions. And Tiffany and I have talked about this of, you know, is it because, like, I'm asking a lot of questions and I'm not leaving space for other people where we have actually gone home and we're like, neither one of us is going to ask a single question. And like, it's so hard for us. And then we'll just sit there and just be like, nope, nobody, still nobody asked a single question. And I know this is probably not true, but just I interpret that as you don't care. And I know that that's not true but it's how I interpret it and then I just kind of get my feelings hurt and then I just sort of shut down of like well if this is just a one-way street then that's kind of tiring
Susan Evans:
[34:50] I would say that that is I'm just going to say this because I am not one to ask it well that's a lie in professional situations I will ask a ton of questions, but, even with people I know, it's like if they don't ask anything back or there's nothing going on, I just assume, I don't think, I think it almost never has anything, this could be very narcissistic. I don't think it has anything to do with me because most people don't think about me. The minute I think they're thinking about me, that's wrong. And so I don't think in a sibling situation, it's that they don't care. They may just not know what to do. And I think that's the case for most people. When I talk with folks, it's like, well, I didn't know I could do that, or I was unsure, or you're also a very strong person. I think all three of us are strong people. And so just because you're a sibling doesn't mean it's not intimidating that you're a strong person and you are very out there on social. So I may know a lot about you without your knowledge, because I do talk to friends. They're like, and I, and they're like, they're like, they ask me what's going on. Cause I don't post very much except my dog. So who the hell knows about me?
Susan Evans:
[35:57] But I realized I've had to start to say, I know you went on a trip. I know you're a grandmother. I know this, this, and this, and this, is there anything else you can tell me? Because I have tracked you like you're in a daily newspaper. And so there may be, I wouldn't assume they don't care or shut down. I would ask them why they don't ask instead of making the assumption.
Jenny Evans:
[36:24] That would be a great question to ask.
Paul Konrardy:
[36:26] Yeah, it would be. And Jen, I can totally relate to that because there was a time where I was doing these calls and i would be asking questions about their life they'd be telling them us about their life we'd kind of go around the table and by the end of it nobody'd ask me a damn thing so it's like it's time to go
Susan Evans:
[36:45] I don't think it dawns on them.
Paul Konrardy:
[36:46] I really i don't
Paul Konrardy:
[36:47] I don't think it dawns on them until the very end and then it's suddenly like oh shit i didn't even ask about you and you know and i'm sure there was some feeling bad about it but it it's also uh You know, who is taking the lead in having the discussion? Who's having the, who's showing the interest in being a good listener? I think that's, that's also part of it. If you're modeling that behavior, it's, you know, let's face it, people like to talk about themselves. Most men really like to talk about themselves. And so it's a, it's a. That's always been a strategy, I guess, in some ways, is to get them in and talk about themselves, and then you don't have to expose anything of yourself.
Susan Evans:
[37:27] Thank you, society.
Paul Konrardy:
[37:28] Yeah, I mean, that's just kind of the rules. But it doesn't have to be like that. And I think that there's oftentimes, going back to the memorial, I think there was an acknowledgement of there had been a whole lifetime of not really knowing who this other individual was until it was over. And you know and i i guess in for their case thank goodness they had that last few weeks to really get to know more than they had before that's
Susan Evans:
[37:59] Like cramming for a test.
Paul Konrardy:
[38:01] It kind of is but it's also one of those okay are you going to take that as all i was supposed to know about this at this time or am i going to regret the fact that i didn't do what i need to do so it i don't know it strikes me that we have lots of opportunities in our life to, to know one another and it's, and it's okay. And just because we both came out of the same womb doesn't mean that we should have to have this relationship.
Susan Evans:
[38:28] No, I think that's it. It's like, I, I think everybody's so lucky just to F and B here that if you start to overanalyze, it's like, I think it's important to have the relationship that feels good to you. And if you're comfortable with it, by god you've won have you killed a man today no okay we're good you know i mean i think there's there's, you you can't beat yourself up for trying to live your life and if you want to change it you can. One trick that
Susan Evans:
[39:00] Um my mom does this all the time when we have family gatherings she'll have puzzles or something after we eat so we have to do a word game we'll ask each other things and to get people talking. And it took me, when we were growing up, I was like, you have got to be kidding me with this. I mean...
Susan Evans:
[39:18] I was beside myself. And now I'm like, are there games? Yeah. Everybody talking. And sometimes there'll be relatives that we don't see, but once every two years. And even those games where you pull the thing out of, and they must be, if you're with family, the, you know, rated G for general audience with question boxes, where you can pull something out and ask a question. We have those sitting in the middle of our dining room table right now for anybody that comes over. It's like, just grab it and let's start because sometimes it's hard to ask the question it's like we say, it's not one person everybody has to ask it and it's it's really interesting and at this dinner party we were at a few weeks ago it was the same thing like no this is what we do to get people started because people aren't comfortable, everybody's like i don't want to ask us what if what if because there's so many what ifs now it's like what if you're offended what if you're It's like, fuck, just ask the question and expect the adult human across from you to respond appropriately. That makes me uncomfortable. Good to know. I'll check that. Jesus, God, you don't mean to do it. I'm not out to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm out to get to know you and down the torpedoes at a certain point. Otherwise, I'm never going to get to know you.
Paul Konrardy:
[40:33] Well, and that's a, that's a, that's a set of tools or rules that often families have. There's, there's like a, there's a, a box filled with past either hurts or traumas or whatever. And what, who's going to have the courage to ask the, you know, touch the third rail, you know, because it could easily go down the tubes. So, you know, sometimes things do end up being pretty surface so as not to have those emotional processing blowouts. So that is maybe unique to my family. I don't think so. I think everybody's got a set of those. But those, I kind of like that having those games available. I know when my family gets together, it's cards. You get the cards going, and then you can have a conversation while you're doing this card. He's one another and all that kind of stuff. But it lowers the barrier of entry to have a conversation. Maybe somebody will take too long in their turn and explain something, and then you can remember where you are. But that's the role of the scorekeeper, to keep track of that. But you know what I'm saying. And it's like you have an activity everybody can focus on. It does sort of lower that. How much do I share?
Susan Evans:
[41:55] Yeah.
Paul Konrardy:
[41:58] Interesting technique.
Susan Evans:
[42:01] Everybody needs a trick. Yes.
Paul Konrardy:
[42:06] And every party needs a pooper.
Susan Evans:
[42:09] I don't think that's true, however.
Paul Konrardy:
[42:13] Well, that's why I get invited. Come on.
Susan Evans:
[42:16] No, no, no. I will put my foot down there. No.
Susan Evans:
[42:23] Oh, my God.
Paul Konrardy:
[42:23] You know, at the end of the day, I'm still a 13-year-old boy with my humor.
Susan Evans:
[42:26] My God, no. Jen, when you said fart humor, I'm like, there's this little poop emoji dog toy that we get like every six weeks because truly we'll go through and wreck it. But it's about this big. And when you squeeze it, it makes a fart noise. And we call it Fart Doctor. It's like, where's Fart Doctor? So our whole life revolves around early Adam Sandler movies. So it's the very vast. Yeah.
Jenny Evans:
[42:55] I mean, I think hence why we are all friends and fans of one another.
Susan Evans:
[43:03] Yes, yes.
Paul Konrardy:
[43:04] The first people we had over for dinner, the new neighbors, Peter put the fart ninja in the guest bathroom. So when they walk in, the ninja starts to go off and they're in there and you can just hear the,
Paul Konrardy:
[43:16] Whaaaaahahaha
Susan Evans:
[43:18] Oh my God. There's nothing better than a fart ninja. We have them around the house and sometimes you forget. and you walk by like, and you just remember that's there.
Jenny Evans:
[43:29] Wait, what's a fart ninja?
Susan Evans:
[43:29] Oh, it's a... Oh, dear God. We are sending you one.
Paul Konrardy:
[43:32] Yes. They're little ninja character guys. You know, I made a plastic and they've got a motion detector on them. So when you walk by them, they make a fart noise.
Jenny Evans:
[43:42] Got it. I mean, I figured that's what it was, but I just thought, I should be curious. Just to double check.
Paul Konrardy:
[43:47] In the rotation, you do sometimes get, fart ninja. So instead of... But yeah, it's great for me.
Susan Evans:
[43:56] There's a friend of ours, we found out she loved these, and she travels. She goes back home to Italy, and this is going to be just sounding, her life is perfect, by the way. And you're going to say, yes, it is. So she's visiting her sister in Milan. Yes, her life is perfect, and so is her sister's life.
Susan Evans:
[44:16] They're in the the subway and the sister's boyfriend realizes that there's a fart ninja and so he goes and stands down by these two old women in the subway as it's moving he's got the fart ninja in his backpack the two sisters are on the other side of the train pressing the remote control, while he is standing there in front of these two women and, he goes scuza scuza and they're horrified. They are laughing at the other. And this starts the, where are we going to put the fart ninja next? Where can we put it? Can we bring it on a plane? I mean, we're just doing this whole thing where it's like as many jokes as we possibly can do with a fart ninja, we will do. Underneath the front seat of our truck, and I'll be in the back with the dog and whoever's in the front, I start pressing it. Eric and I explode into giggles. I mean, and everyone's just like, are you guys seven? We're like, yes, yes, we are seven.
Paul Konrardy:
[45:18] Yes.
Susan Evans:
[45:19] Yes, we are. We are young boys.
Paul Konrardy:
[45:22] And there's nothing wrong with that in my view.
Susan Evans:
[45:24] Oh, my God. It's just, it is stupid and laughable. And we own it. And we don't do it to everybody because it is not appropriate for everybody. We draw lines. We understand society.
Paul Konrardy:
[45:37] I think it's a good opening act. And it acts as like a filter, you know? If you don't find this funny, we have limits to how close we can be.
Susan Evans:
[45:46] We may not be as close as I had hoped.
Paul Konrardy:
[45:48] Yeah, totally. Exactly. If you're offended by this, good to know.
Susan Evans:
[45:53] We'll just be friendly. Yeah.
Paul Konrardy:
[45:55] Good to know. We'll go with Emily Post method here.
Susan Evans:
[45:59] That's how I make new friends. Yes. Yeah.
Paul Konrardy:
[46:04] Well, it's a litmus test for sure.
Susan Evans:
[46:05] It is.
Susan Evans:
[46:06] And isn't it though? Yes.
Paul Konrardy:
[46:09] Okay. Well, now we're going to have to do post-production and add some fart noises at the end here.
Susan Evans:
[46:15] Throughout. No, throughout. It'll be an Easter egg. An audio Easter egg. I think we've invented something new.
Paul Konrardy:
[46:23] Can we add some smell-o-vision so it can smell like an egg?
Susan Evans:
[46:27] That'll be the next thing. Let me ask Claude about that.
Paul Konrardy:
[46:31] Well, thanks for this fun discussion.
Susan Evans:
[46:34] Audio Easter egg. I'm into it now. Is this a new thing?
Paul Konrardy:
[46:37] I want to remind everybody, because we— Jen, you're good at this. I'm horrible at it. But I want to remind everybody to please subscribe. You can find us at anywhere you listen to your podcasts. And subscribe, like, and do all that stuff and get the notifications. So you can hear our next episode.
Susan Evans:
[46:57] There are audio Easter eggs. I've just found it.
Paul Konrardy:
[47:00] Oh, for God's sake.
Susan Evans:
[47:00] I'm not on Spotify.
Paul Konrardy:
[47:02] I'm trying to shut this down,
Susan Evans:
[47:04] Susan. I'm sorry. I had to go there. I was like, well, now I'm curious. Is there an audio Easter egg? Yes, there are. Since music has begun, there have been audio Easter eggs.
Paul Konrardy:
[47:14] Yes, and there'll probably be a little emoji show up on the screen, too.
Susan Evans:
[47:18] Welcome to this century, Susan. Yeah.
Jenny Evans:
[47:22] All right. Great convo, you guys. Thank you.
Susan Evans:
[47:26] Thank you. Bye. I love it. Bye.
[47:29] Before you go, a friendly reminder that the people on this podcast are curious, not certified. Nothing you just heard is professional legal, financial, or business advice. It was a conversation, a good one, but still just a conversation. And if something they said makes you want to rethink your entire business model, maybe you should sleep on it first and then call someone with a license. The hosts bring the ideas and you bring the judgment. And if it all works out, they'd love to hear about it. If it doesn't, well, then they've never met you. All content is copyright monsters of curiosity and may not be reproduced or distributed without permission.
