Are Your Goals Actually Yours? How to Ditch the ‘Shoulds’ and Follow Your Fire

Wait… Do I Even WANT This?

You’re out there chasing goals, climbing ladders, checking boxes like a boss. You’ve been doing everything right, hitting milestones, achieving success, and impressing everyone around you.

But have you ever stopped and thought:

"Wait… do I even WANT this?"

For so many high-achieving women, there comes a moment when they wake up and realize:

I’ve been chasing a version of success that looks good on paper… but doesn’t feel good in real life.

Why? Because they’ve been running on ‘shoulds’ - what they were told they should want, should do, should become.

Here’s the truth: If your goals don’t light you up, they’re not yours.

And if you’ve ever wondered why you’re working so hard for something that doesn’t actually excite you, this blog is your wake-up call.

Let’s dive into:

• How to recognize when you’re chasing the wrong goals
• How to reconnect with what actually matters to YOU
• How to rewrite your definition of success, on YOUR terms

Because your fire? It’s yours to follow.

The Trap of ‘Should Goals’—And Why They’re Keeping You Stuck

You know you’re stuck in the ‘should’ trap when:

• You hit a milestone… and feel very little.
• You keep chasing the next thing… but don’t really know why.
• You feel pressure to “stay on track”… even when the track feels wrong.
• You feel guilty just thinking about pivoting.

Why This Happens

You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to pursue goals that don’t fulfill you. This conditioning starts early:

You were taught that success looks a certain way.
From childhood, women are told what’s “impressive,” what’s “respectable,” and what’s the “right” path.
Deviating from it? That’s risky.

You’ve spent years playing by someone else’s rules.
Maybe it’s what society expects.
Maybe it’s what your family wanted.
Maybe it’s what your industry says you should do to be taken seriously.
Either way, you’ve been checking boxes that may not even belong to you.

Your brain craves predictability—even when it’s keeping you stuck.
Your brain loves familiarity. Even if your current path makes you miserable, it feels “safe.”
Change, even the good kind, feels like a threat.

The Fear of Disappointing Others
Many women avoid making bold shifts because they fear judgment.
What will people think?
Will they say I’m ungrateful?
Will I look like a failure?
But here’s the truth: The only person living with your choices is YOU.

The Fix:

The first step to creating goals that fuel you? Recognizing when you’re following someone else’s blueprint.
It’s time to question everything.
What do YOU actually want?
What if you stopped chasing what looks good on paper and started building what feels good in your soul?

Let’s break the ‘shoulds’ and rewrite the rules.

How to Tell If a Goal Is Actually Yours

Not all goals are created equal. Some are fueled by passion—others by pressure.
The trick? Figuring out which ones truly belong to you.

Ready to gut-check your goals? Ask yourself these three questions:

1. If no one was watching, would I still want this?
   If there was no applause, no validation, no LinkedIn announcement—would this still light you up?
   If the answer is no…red flag. That’s not your goal. That’s external pressure disguised as ambition.
2. Does this goal excite me—or just look good on paper?
   Does the thought of achieving it energize you? Or is it just something you feel like you “should” want?
   If it’s about looking successful instead of feeling successful…Another red flag.
3. Is this leading me toward the life I want—or just the life I was told to want?
   Would your future self thank you for this path?
   Or are you chasing something because society, family, or your industry says it’s the "right" move?

The Fix:

If your goals don’t pass this test, it’s time to redefine success on YOUR terms.
You are allowed to change direction.
You are allowed to let go of outdated goals.
You are allowed to build a life that feels just as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.

Your dream, your rules.

The Science of Purpose: Why Meaning-Driven Goals Create More Energy

Let’s talk brain science, because motivation isn’t just about willpower, it’s about how your brain is wired.

When your goals align with your core values, your brain gets a chemical boost of motivation, energy, and resilience.
When your goals don’t align, your brain registers them as stress, resistance, and burnout.

The Neuroscience of Motivation

• Your brain’s dopamine system (the motivation & reward center) only fires up when a goal feels personally meaningful.

• When you chase a goal that doesn’t truly excite you, your brain fights back with procrastination, exhaustion, and self-doubt…not to mention some cortisol (your body’s stress hormone).

• When your goals match your values, your energy skyrockets. Your brain naturally fuels you toward what feels right, making momentum easier, not harder.

Translation? You don’t need more discipline, you need the right goals.

The Fix: Align Your Goals with Your Core Values

If your goals drain you more than they drive you, it’s a sign you’re chasing something that doesn’t truly belong to you.
Instead of trying to force motivation, realign your goals with what actually excites you.

Because when your goals light you up, your energy - and chemistry - follows naturally.

How to Break Free from the ‘Shoulds’ and Follow Your Fire

How do you let go of the ‘shoulds’ and build a life that actually excites you? By taking control of your own path, starting now.

4 Steps to Reclaiming Your Goals

Step 1: Ditch the Approval Trap.
Your dream isn’t up for a vote. Stop seeking validation from people who aren’t living your life. (And who are these “people” anyway? Seriously. Name them. Oh…you can’t? Hmmm….) You don’t need permission to want what you want.

Step 2: Identify What Actually Lights You Up.
Think back, what have you always been drawn to? What makes time disappear? What makes you feel fully alive? Those are your clues.

Step 3: Rewrite Your Success Metrics.
Forget the standard definition of success. Money? Title? Prestige? Maybe. But what about freedom, joy, impact? Define success on your terms.

Step 4: Take One Bold Step in the Right Direction.
It doesn’t have to be a full life overhaul. One small move shifts momentum. Apply, start, say yes.

The Fix: Burn the script. Write your own. Because the life you actually want? It starts with one decision—to go for it.

The Power of a Community That Gets It

Real talk: It’s HARD to shift your goals when you’re surrounded by people who expect you to keep playing the same role. Change makes people uncomfortable, especially when it forces them to question their own choices.

If your inner circle is rooting for your past success but not your future transformation…it's time to expand your circle.

Why Your Environment Matters

• You need a crew that challenges and supports you to go after what you actually want, not what’s expected.
• You need women who see your potential, even when you doubt yourself.
• You need a space where bold moves are the norm, not the exception.

Growth isn’t just about mindset, it’s about environment. Who you surround yourself with shapes your confidence, ambition, and next steps.

The Fix: If you’re ready to step into your next-level goals with women who are doing the same, it’s time to join Soul on Fire - my high-performance group coaching, mastermind and community for women.

Stop Chasing ‘Shoulds.’ Start Chasing What’s Yours.

You have one life.

And it’s too short to spend chasing goals that don’t light you up.

If you’re tired of following a path that looks good but doesn’t feel right… It's time to pivot.

Inside Soul on Fire, we help high-achieving women:

Break free from the ‘shoulds’.
Get clear on what actually drives them.
Take bold action toward what they truly want.

Create a life that FEELS as good as it looks.

Ready to redefine success on YOUR terms?
Join Soul on Fire Today